I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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