I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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