I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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