oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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