I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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