whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
