we have officially lost it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
