Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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