Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
