Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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