he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
