I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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