Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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