My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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