So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
