Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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