You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
