i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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