I just saw a hot homeless man
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
