champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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