Small penises have feelings too.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
