Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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