Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So many bounce houses so little time
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
