dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
