i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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