Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
