are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
