Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
