I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
