Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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