The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
