I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
