Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
