just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
