I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
