I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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