I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
