i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
