I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
