I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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