you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize