...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
