omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
