Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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