I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
