I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
