I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
