Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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