3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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