Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Less talking, more tequila
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
