I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
is it fun? or sober?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
