I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
