he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
did i just pee glitter
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
