You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
