What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
