she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you are never too drunk for berry picking
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
