My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
