Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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