Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
