The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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