It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A+ Viking dick
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
