It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So squirting runs in the family.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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