If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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