Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You've changed since you got that strap on
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
