Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You smell like stripper and shame
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
