idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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