I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
