God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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