I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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