I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
