The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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