you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it's like iHOP with fire
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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