Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
