Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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